Forgiveness is Easier than Permission and Hindsight's 20/20

"It was between who I should be and who I am. I've always felt out of step. Like literally stumbling through my life. I've never felt normal, because I'm not normal, and I don't wanna be. I've had to face death and loss and pain in your world, but I've also never felt stronger, like more real, more myself, because it's my world too. It's where I belong." ~Bella Swan

Have you ever felt this way?? That your participation in something, something bigger than yourself was ultimately worth any sacrifice along the way to get there?? I wish I could definitively say that I agree.

I look back on my life before the whole Twilight phenomenon ... and wonder if the person I was then, would like the person I am now?  I can and will say that Twilight and the people I have met through it have changed me!
Several times things have gotten in the way, not gone as planned, or utterly fell apart, things that I have admittedly handled with far less grace and aplomb than I should have. But on the other hand, I have never more valiantly proven to myself what I was fully capable of.  

Bella didn't hide from the negative aspects of her life with Edward, she faced death, loss, and pain, most if not all of them brought on directly from her involvement with the Cullens.  She accepts all of the negative for even a chance at the positive. 

Strength is such a surreal concept. It can refer to sheer fortitude, mental strength, or being an emotional cornerstone, each of these separately make a person strong, but combined make the person that possesses these qualities invaluable!  How that strength is developed say multitudes about a person. True strength is not a spur of the moment thing or an 'adrenaline rush' True strength is cultivated over time, it is allowed to prove itself and be tested, it is sometimes pushed to its limits only to find that there is a further limit to be reached. 

It is during these tests that I have found myself questioning, 'Is it worth it?'  There have been times where I have literally thrown my hands in the air and wished myself back to a time where I was a infrequent participant in some trivia or liked a status or two. When I found myself AMAZED that I actually got to be friends with some page admins!! Never knowing or being able to predict what my future would have in store. 

This is NOT to say that I regret where I am in life, and what I am doing with it. I am just saying that looking back, some of my choices have not always been the best, or the most well thought. 


To touch on the positive, I have been blessed to meet some of the most incredible people in the world! (IMO), I have have been materially blessed through these people, I have been spiritually blessed by them as well. I nearly always have someone to turn to for support, I have people in my life that are willing to be the strength for me, when mine is hard to find or is not nearly enough. I do not tell these people thank you enough!!  I have people who believe and have the faith to move mountains, they not only believe in me, but in God's blessings and promises to me. These wonderful people provide me reasons to be happy and rejoice, even when joy is the sensation farthest from my mind. They sometimes provide me with the kick in the behind needed to reassure me that the world is in fact NOT ABOUT ME! These are all things that I as an imperfect person, need every once in awhile. I have been abundantly blessed with these influences. I have also been able to experience some of the most astounding events that I ever thought possible! 

So ultimately, if I had to choose, I would pick the end result, I might just have to alter the map a little on my way to getting here. However, in any true experience there is something to be grasped and learned. So in going through those tests, they have made me who I am today.  A good friend just reminded me tonight, that the opinion that matters is not of this world, although, He left some pretty good instructions and some mighty big shoes to fill down here. I am also reminded of something my mother always has told me, "At the end of the day, the only person you HAVE to live with is yourself."

Long Time, No Post!

I've been away for awhile! I cannot believe my last post was in January! I have so much to say!

Summer 2012 is finally here! I remember the quest to make each summer big and better than the one before it! This year, is am aiming for enjoying my summer! 

    I started out this summer with the most SURREAL experience ever! My partner in crime, Jamie Phelps along with our friend Brittany Clark, planned and operated the Twilight Girls Weekend Getaway in Gatlinburg, TN. 


Along with the 60 some women in attendance, we were blessed to have Kiowa Gordon, Booboo Stewart, and Bronson Pelletier partying with us!! It was one of the most incredible things that I have ever had the privilege of being a part of!

I met some of the most incredible women too! I have a tendency to nickname, so by the time we left the Smokies, 10 more ladies went home with names of their very own! Charlie Sheen, Tiger Blood, Dutch, Muskrat, and Smurf, just to name a few! 

Each of the guys had a "funniest" moment for me! Booboo and his dad had the misfortune of riding Boogertown Rd and Gnatty Branch Drive with us several times!! BooBoo's astonishment that the white lump next to the road was indeed a cow rather than a rock, had us cracking up, that boy nearly jumped through the windshield!! Bronson decided that he was so hungry on Saturday afternoon that he was just going to walk into town! I ended up driving him to lunch in my PJ's! And Kiowa.... after finishing the VIP event, he decided that the ladies needed some 'entertainment'!



We had the best time, and learned some tips for the future!! And call us crazy, but we plan to do it again next year!! 

After all that excitement, it was time to get back to reality and that means 'work' but I have found the honesty in, if you love what you do, it never seems like work! So instead I have found several ways to 'keep busy'!

I took a job nannying this summer to keep me occupied! Robert, Sara Grace, Lily, and Benton, are some of the most awesome kiddos ever! I am really enjoying the time and experience with them!


 I am getting a chance to put my Pinterest to work! I've already made a couple recipes, from scratch frosting and homemade pizza! They earned me thumbs up from all four! 






We have plans in the works for a bedskirt for SG's room! My best friend Rebecca's daughter has now become a pinpal for Sara, so I am thrilled to see that relationship develop! I am so excited to get started on all of our plans for the summer!! Yay for more crafty posts!  I am going to strive to keep the blog updated as well!! I ♥ sharing all of the little fun things that happen!!  

What If You Never Had It?

I can't bring myself to regret the decisions that brought me to Forks. They also brought me to Edward.
-Bella Swan 


Bella Swan can be "taken" many ways, as a beloved character that women of all ages can identify with, a setback to the feminist movement, or that bothersome girl that gets Edward and Jacob. But in this quote I find out more about myself and a little more about Stephenie Meyer. 


In Twilight, Bella is willing to die in the place of someone that she loves. She proves this again in New Moon facing the Volturi. She feels in doing this, she will protect and ensure the survival of Edward and his family. In a reflective moment she states that she can't regret what has brought her to this culminating event in her life, because it also brought her the opportunity for her greatest happiness. 


Roll your eyes, its fine, I promise. Yes, in Twilight, Edward is Bella's greatest happiness, but in our lives it can serve as mirror to show us what is our greatest happiness. 


I ask you this simple question: Was it easy?


In life, I have found that the events and accomplishments that I have found my greatest happiness in, have in fact come after some of the hardest times in my life. They made me work for them, to earn, and ultimately deserve them. Do I despise or regret that work and effort? No. I appreciate it for the lessons it has taught me. 


That accomplishment comes with sacrifice. That the journey is most of the challenge. That anything worth having is worth working for.


These might sound cliche, but if you stop and honestly think about it you might find yourself agreeing with me. 


As applicable as these seem for events, they are equally relevant to relationships.


What if you never had it? 


If you find yourself truly regretting something you went through, ask your self of the end result, what if I never had it?


Sure at the time, staying home and studying wasn't the popular thing to do. However, looking back on the accomplishment of my graduation, if I asked myself the question I posed, I would have to concede that the joy and accomplishment far outweigh the fleeting moments that I sacrificed for my goal.


I am not a parent, however I can rationalize from a parent's perspective. At the time, being the bad guy and laying down consequences that usher in a chorus of, "I hate yous" and slamming doors might be hard to deal with. But I can assure you, the pride at seeing your child succeed in life will give a new level to measure your greatest happiness. 


What if I never had it? If the end result has lead or attributed to my greatest happiness, then it was worth it. If I couldn't imagine my life without something or someone, then I have my answer right there. 

I have it and it was worth it!♥

What Would You Have?

"I didn't want normal, until I didn't have it anymore." ~Maggie Stiefvater

What do you take for granted? Your health, your friends, your family, your life? Take the time to stop and think, what do you thank God for every single day?















With that question posed? My answer, not much. Please, don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything that I have been blessed with, but I rarely take the time to stop, think, and thank God for it all. Worries and everyday concerns consume our time and take our attention away from the things that truly matter. In life we find that the things we take most for granted are the things that we wouldn't want to live without. But if you woke up tomorrow, with only what you gave thanks for today, what would be your new normal?


Would you be a few friends lighter, a few possessions shorter, how would it impact your life?


Sometimes life gives us no choice, there are situations that fall so far beyond the realm of our control, that we can only take them out of our hands and put them into the hands of a unfathomably merciful God.


A car accident, cancer, a long term illness, these examples may sound extreme in their impact, but are mainstream in their ability to effect people from every walk of life.


So please, if you get nothing more from this post, be present in your life, be thankful for your blessings, and tell your friends and family that you love them and are grateful for their presence in your life! 

♥This post is dedicated to the Geske and Genter Families♥

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.

May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.